WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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