then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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