that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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