Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
