if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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