Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think my tv is drunk
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
