i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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