you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize