yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
