Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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