I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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