I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
