Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
