I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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