lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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