Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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