I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
