I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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