She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
