Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
