Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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