We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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