I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
