I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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