there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
