community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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