I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
