I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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