I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
