11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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