you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
