Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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