Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
