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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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