If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
