I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
