my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
