Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
