They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
