conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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