Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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