I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
