im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
