I could make wine with my vomit
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
