I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
