There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just had sex on a roof
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
