I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
