if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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