matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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