how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I party with great urgency now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
