return my video game
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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