I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
