Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
