are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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