Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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