so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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