SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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