If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
