It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
is it fun? or sober?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
