doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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