Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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