From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
