WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
