I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
