If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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