Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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