I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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